Grief Shared
by Hasna
Summary: In Lothlórien, Legolas and Haldir share their grief over the death of Gandalf. Things go from there *slash*


Grief shared  
  
By: Hasna  
  
Disclaimer: Legolas, Haldir and the rest do not belong to me; they belong to J.R.R. Tolkien and whoever owns his estate now. Please don't sue me, as you'll get nothing but an old computer and a bunch of unfinished fanfics...  
  
A/N: This story takes place in Lothlórien when the fellowship rests shortly after Gandalf has fallen into the shadow. Please do note that I am a rather new fan of Lord of the Rings - I haven't yet finished the books - and that I might get some details wrong here and there. For example, I don't know how long Legolas has known Gandalf at this point so I'm guessing that he didn't know Gandalf before the meeting when the fellowship was made. Also, some things about Haldir are obviously not canon.  
  
Summary: Legolas and Haldir share their grief over Gandalf's demise.  
  
Warning: This is a slash fic. In this case, that means a romantic relationship between two males. If you don't like it, don't read it.  
  
Feedback: Yes please ( It's my first Lord of the Rings fanfic so I'd love suggestions on how to make my fics better.  
  
~*~  
  
The weary crowd of travellers settled in the soft couches underneath the tall trees of Lothlórien. Their grief for Gandalf was still fresh, but their bodies' need for sleep was greater and soon, they all fell into an unquiet slumber. All save one.  
  
Legolas tossed and turned, unable to find any rest. Finally he sat up quietly as only elves can do. He gazed briefly at each of his companions. He cared much for this strange group - dwarf, men and hobbits - but his own deep friendship with Gandalf, although he had not known the wizard for long, now made his heart ache. He needed to put some distance between himself and his travelling companions before he could let out his grief and accept the tears that he knew were waiting to come.  
  
The blond elf quietly made his way out of the pavilion, which the Lothlórien elves so kindly had put up for the fellowship. Once out of the pavilion, he walked a short way and climbed up a comfortable looking tree.  
  
He climbed swiftly and silently, but the elven ears of the one already sitting in the tree did not fail to hear his approach. A head turned and piercing blue eyes bore into Legolas' own. Legolas let out a gasp of surprise.  
  
"Legolas, son of Thranduil," the figure above him greeted.  
  
"Haldir!" the young elf exclaimed quietly, "forgive me, Haldir, for the intrusion. My thoughts were elsewhere. I did not notice you."  
  
The silver-blond elf above Legolas nodded thoughtfully. A lock of his long hair gently grazed his cheek at the movement and his slender hand moved to sweep it away from his face. Now, Legolas saw the shimmer of tears in the eyes of the slightly older elf. Even as he watched, fresh tears rolled down Haldir's cheeks and dripped onto the tunic of the elf.  
  
"My apologies," Legolas stammered awkwardly, "I should not have disturbed you. I will leave."  
  
Legolas looked down to note the placement of the branches beneath him so he could descend the tree rapidly without causing Haldir any more disturbance.  
  
Haldir, however, hurriedly jumped down onto the branch just above Legolas and took hold of his shoulder.  
  
"Wait," he whispered, "stay. I should like to talk to you."  
  
"But you are..." Legolas faltered.  
  
"In deep grief, yes. And so are you."  
  
Legolas nodded, knowing his own sorrow was easy for the older elf to see in his face. He had thus far not shed any tears of his own, but he longed for the freedom to do so. With other members of the fellowship, he sensed a despair that his tears might worsen and he knew that the whole group needed rest before continuing their journey toward Mordor. He had to be strong if the fellowship was to succeed.  
  
This elf, Haldir, that he had only met the day before, seemed to welcome his presence however, although he himself was haunted by a great shadow in his mind. Haldir climbed up to his previous seat on a sturdy branch and reached down to help Legolas up. The younger elf accepted the offered hand and sat down quietly beside the Lórien elf.  
  
For a moment, they were both silent. Then Legolas turned his head and looked at Haldir and noted that the tears had not stopped their flowing. His own eyes prickled and a single tear made its way down his cheek, soon followed by others.  
  
"You grieve for Mithrandir as well?" Legolas inquired, "or is there another reason for your tears?"  
  
"All my tears fall for Mithrandir," Haldir whispered with a half choked sob, "for he was my father."  
  
**  
  
Legolas gasped in astonishment for he had heard nothing from Mithrandir of any son. He wondered briefly if he had heard correctly and tried to remember any hints Mithrandir might have given throughout the journey, but the tears of his companion brought him back to the present.  
  
The older elf was now consumed by grief and could no longer contain the choked sobs emanating from him. Legolas nearly panicked because he had no idea how to console the crying Haldir. Instinctively, he took a gentle hold of the other's shoulders and pulled him into a loose embrace. At this, a new batch of tears and quiet weeping was brought forth and Haldir hung desperately onto Legolas who found himself uttering soothing words while softly stroking Haldir's back with one hand and letting the fingers of his other hand slide through Haldir's soft, silky hair. His own tears, which had subsided at the shock of Haldir's words, returned with a vengeance.  
  
For a long while, the two blond elves clung tightly onto each other. The night sounds of the slight wind in the trees, the crickets chirping and squirrels scampering about were hardly disturbed by the crying elves. Haldir's face pressed into the crook of Legolas' neck and the slight trembling echoed in Legolas' own body.  
  
Finally they pulled back slightly from each other. Legolas looked at Haldir. The older elf's hair was dishevelled and his eyes were slightly puffed from crying. His face and the front of his tunic were damp and small tremors still shook his body faintly. Nevertheless he was one of the most beautiful sights Legolas had ever seen.  
  
The moon shone down on his silver hair and his eyes, although sad, were deep and expressive. A small, tired smile grazed Haldir's lips now. And such lips.  
  
Legolas was entranced by the soft, full lips of the older elf. He stared at Haldir with large, round eyes. Oh, how he longed to touch those beautiful lips with his own. Legolas was well over 2000 years old, but never before had he experienced such longing, such burning passion in his heart. He had known the beautiful, silver-haired elf less than two days and still, he found himself wanting to kiss away Haldir's pain.  
  
Legolas subconsciously leaned forward a little, gazing into those blue eyes, but caught himself before he managed to embarrass himself with his actions in the eyes of Haldir. Quickly, he averted his eyes from his companion.  
  
Fortunately for the young elf, his older companion was still a little beside himself and he had not noticed Legolas' fascinated stare.  
  
Legolas mentally shook himself. This was no time for such thoughts. Haldir was devastated by the loss of his father and he himself also mourned the demise of Mithrandir. And Legolas was still wondering how Mithrandir could be Haldir's father. Not to mention the fact that he had barely known the older elf for two days and Haldir most likely did not share these overwhelming emotions that had suddenly awakened in Legolas' heart.  
  
The tips of Legolas' delicately pointed ears were burning red with shame. He was no child anymore and he ought to be able to contain such whims. Here he was, nearly kissing somebody he did not even really know.  
  
"Haldir," he hesitated for a moment, "you tell me Mithrandir was your father. Then you are half-elven, yes?"  
  
The young elf felt like he was intruding on something that did not concern him, but he had cared deeply for the old wizard and getting to know his son and finding him such an attractive person, he wished to know all, the other elf would tell him.  
  
Haldir looked up at Legolas, "no."  
  
The blond elf looked thoughtful and then continued, "Mithrandir was not my real father. Both my parents were elves, but they were killed by orcs only months after my birth. I was there when the orcs attacked and they would have killed me as well, had it not been for Mithrandir."  
  
He frowned, stumbling over the words, "He and the humans he was travelling with witnessed the attack from afar. They came too late to save my parents, but Mithrandir protected me... He personally slew the orc leader who had killed my father."  
  
Haldir sighed deeply and continued with a frown and a quiet voice, "from then on, Mithrandir took care of me. He adopted me as his own, but now... Now I have nobody."  
  
Legolas could not help himself. He was gaping at Haldir. Such a tragedy for this elf to have lost his supposedly immortal parents so soon. He wanted to take Haldir into his arms again, to feel the other elf against himself once more and to somehow try and shield Haldir from all this sorrow.  
  
Before Legolas knew it, his arms had moved, seemingly of their own volition, and he had gently taken hold of Haldir's shoulders. The older elf looked up with surprise in his eyes as Legolas let his hands slide softly down Haldir's arms to grasp his hands. Then he raised one hand to tenderly wipe away the tearstains on Haldir's cheeks and found his actions mirrored as Haldir raised the hand that had just been freed to gently caress Legolas' face.  
  
"You entrance me," Haldir murmured quietly through his tears and freed his other hand from Legolas' grasp only to bury it in the younger elf's silken cascades of golden hair. He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to Legolas'.  
  
The young elf's mind was reeling. Haldir's lips were indeed as soft as he had imagined. Soft and warm and moist. He realized that he was not moving at all, frozen in surprise at Haldir's kiss.  
  
The other elf pulled back slightly and this time, it was Legolas who initiated the kiss. Leaning forward, he captured Haldir's lower lip and allowed himself to burry both hands in Haldir's silken tresses, pulling the other elf closer.  
  
He could not believe that they were doing this. He felt those exceptionally soft lips against his own, the heat of Haldir's body pressed tightly against his and those hands. Legolas let out a soft whimper against his companion's mouth. He could feel Haldir's hands mapping out the features of his face. Incredibly gently and softly, the fingers sometimes straying to a loose lock, pushing it aside to caress sensitive skin.  
  
The need for air forced the pair to separate and Legolas looked at Haldir in awe. The older elf was breathing hard and smiling at Legolas.  
  
As they looked at each other, scarcely believing what had just happened, Haldir allowed himself to let a single finger gently graze the tip of Legolas' ear. The young elf's breath hitched in surprise and pleasure at the touch. He leaned into the caress and tugged lightly at one of Haldir's braids to pull his face closer.  
  
"My apologies, Haldir," he whispered, his lips nearly touching the other's, "I cannot seem to keep my hands away from you. Most inappropriate, I know.."  
  
Haldir interrupted Legolas by in turn pulling at Legolas' braid and capturing his lips with his own. Legolas forgot his apologies the instant he felt the soft, but insistent press of the older elf's tongue against his lower lip. It was as if it was asking to be allowed into Legolas' mouth and he opened his mouth slightly, hesitantly to allow room.  
  
No more than the tip of Haldir's tongue went into Legolas' mouth, licking at his lips and touching his teeth. Experimentally, Legolas touched Haldir's tongue with his own. With a start at the nearly electrical, but very pleasurable sensation that shot through his body, Legolas pulled back in surprise.  
  
He stared at his companion, unable to find words to describe what he was feeling.  
  
Haldir looked enquiringly at Legolas, "have you never... well never..." the breathtakingly beautiful blond elf stammered, his ears bright red and his eyes flickering nervously.  
  
"Never what?"  
  
"Well... You seem so... So innocent. Almost as if you had never been kissed."  
  
Now, it was Legolas who looked away, mumbling something unintelligible. At Haldir's questioning gaze, he repeated, "I never have. Nobody ever wanted to be near me before."  
  
Legolas was blushing furiously now, his normally pale face dark red and burning hot with embarrassment.  
  
The Lothlórien elf looked puzzled, "but you are beautiful. Very desirable."  
  
He looked pensively at his younger companion who refused to meet his eyes.  
  
"I am glad," he then said decisively, prompting Legolas to finally look up again, "for when you have never experienced romance, then there is so much more I can show you. If you will allow me to, that is."  
  
Legolas' features seemingly lighted up at that comment. He swiftly kissed Haldir and blushed again, "I should... If you would..."  
  
"Out with it, precious," Haldir said with a gentle laugh.  
  
"I should very much be glad if you would... kiss me again... And touch me once more with your tongue."  
  
Haldir laughed again and took his companion in his arms. This time, as Legolas felt Haldir's tongue moving softly, slowly against his own, he did not pull back.  
  
**  
  
The two elves shared each other's company the few days that the fellowship remained in Lothlórien. Haldir showed Legolas the wonders of the place, they laughed together and they shared tears for the loss that their own newfound happiness could not remove.  
  
They both tried to push away the thought of Legolas having to leave to continue the journey with the rest of the fellowship. They both knew that Haldir had much too much responsibility in Lothlórien to be able to go with the fellowship and they were aware that the journey would be very dangerous. It was very possible that they'd never see each other alive again once Legolas and the others left their temporary sanctuary. The pair dreaded the parting, but tried to focus on the present instead and enjoy each other's company as much as possible.  
  
The night before the fellowship was supposed to leave Lothlórien again, Legolas and Haldir sat together in the same tree as the first night. They sat quietly, soaking up the presence of each other, but a certain thought kept nagging Legolas as he sat, leaning his back against Haldir's chest and savouring the warm, nearly possessive arms around his waist.  
  
Over these past few days, he had come to care much more for the older elf than he had thought possible and he hoped that Haldir returned these strong emotions and that he would wait for Legolas to come back. The young elf feared, however, that despite Haldir's gentleness and quiet possessiveness, this had only been perceived as a fun, one-time experience by Haldir and he was afraid to ask. He was not sure he would like the answer.  
  
"Legolas," his companion whispered, breathing into his ear, causing a shiver, "how much has all this... us... meant to you?"  
  
Legolas hesitated, but then decided to be totally honest with Haldir.  
  
"Everything," he admitted quietly, "I have never known such passion, such... love..."  
  
Silently, nervously, he turned his head and watched Haldir's face, that beautiful, now familiar and beloved face. A satisfied smile now grazed Haldir's lips and Legolas quickly stole a kiss while waiting for an answer.  
  
"I am glad," the other elf merely said and tightened his grip around Legolas.  
  
The young elf felt a kiss being pressed against his hair and then Haldir's tongue as it flicked out to caress his ear. He sighed deeply at the intimate sensation.  
  
A moment later, Haldir spoke again, this time very hesitantly, "I should like - that is, if you would want me to - I should like to wait for you... Here... I know I cannot accompany you on your travel, but if you would allow it, I would wait here in Lothlórien for you, praying for your speedy return."  
  
Legolas wriggled about, turning in Haldir's arms to face the older elf.  
  
"I should like that very much," he whispered and threw his arms around Haldir's neck, "I should like that very much indeed."  
  
The next morning came entirely too soon and with that the fellowship's departure.  
  
Celeborn and Galadriel themselves came to wish the group much luck on their journey and many curious elves from Lothlórien were there as well.  
  
At a small distance from the rest, Haldir and Legolas stood, talking quietly. A few cast curious looks at the serious faces of the two blond elves, but left them alone.  
  
After a short conversation with the lord and lady of Lothlórien, Aragorn gave the order to leave and after a hug and a short, chaste, but no less passionate or loving, kiss, Legolas turned away from Haldir and started walking.  
  
Aragorn looked questioningly at his elven travelling companion, but Legolas shook his head and hurried forth with a sad look upon his face, his left hand clutching a small silver medallion that Haldir had given him, saying that it brought strength.  
  
Haldir, himself, stood back, watching the retreating back with a lost look in his eyes. He wanted to run to Legolas and take him into his arms, never letting him go, but he knew that he and his beloved had differing duties in this war against evil and that they needed to fulfil these.  
  
A large hand clasped Haldir's shoulder, squeezing it gently. The blond elf looked up at his lord, Celeborn, who stood beside him with an encouraging smile.  
  
"He shall be back," the elf lord said, "of that I am certain."  
  
Haldir smiled faintly.  
  
"I hope so, my lord," he replied sadly, "I hope so."  
  
End 


End file.
